What is Woman Abuse

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History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be un lived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again.” Maya Angelou

What is Woman Abuse

Woman abuse involves the intent by a woman’s intimate partner (dating, common-law, legally married or estranged) to intimidate her, either by threat or by use of physical force on her person or property. The purpose of the assault is to control her behaviour by the inducement of fear, either by forcing her to do what he wants or by preventing her form doing as she wishes. Underlying all abuse is a power imbalance between the victim and the perpetrator. (Joint Committee on Domestic Violence, 1999)

The United Nations General Assembly (1993) also defines woman abuse as, "any act of gender-based violence that results in or is likely to result in physical, sexual or psychological harm or suffering to women including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivation of liberty whether occurring or in private."

Who is a Batterer?

A batterer is a person who exercises a pattern of coercive control in a partner relationship, punctuated by one or more acts of intimidating physical violence, sexual assault, or credible threat of physical violence. This pattern of control and intimidation may be predominantly psychological, economic, or sexual in nature or may rely primarily on the use of physical violence. Physical Violence does NOT require the presence of beatings, but it does require that there at least be actions clearly intended as threats, such as raising fists, cutting phone lines, or deliberately dangerous driving. (Lundy Bancroft, The Batterer as Parent, 2002)

Forms of Abuse

Abusive partners may use a number of different tactics to try to exert power instill fear and control over their victim. Abuse is a misuse of power and a violation of trust. The abuse may happen once or it may occur in a repeated and escalating pattern over a period of months or years. The abuse may change form over time. (Adapted from: The Ontario Works Advanced Case Management and Development Program, 2004)

Physical Abuse – Is the intentional infliction of pain or injury by:>

Slapping, shoving, punching kicking, burning, stabbing and/or shooting, poisoning
"Caring" in an abusive way including giving too much medication, keeping confined, neglecting or withholding care
Using a weapon or other objects to threaten, hurt or kill
Sleep deprivation – waking a woman with relentless verbal abuse

Sexual Abuse is any form of forced sexual activity, including unwanted sexual touching, sexual relations without voluntary consent and the forcing or coercing of degrading, humiliating or painful sexual acts, including:

Rape
Forcing or pressuring a woman into sexual acts
Forcing a woman into prostitution
Preventing a woman from receiving information or education about sexuality
Forcing a woman to become pregnant, have an abortion or have an operation to prevent pregnancy.

Psychological and Emotional Abuse is the use of systemic tactics and behaviour intended to control, humiliate, intimidate, instill fear or diminish a person’s sense of self worth, including;

Verbal aggression
Forcibly confining a woman
Stalking/harassment
Deliberately threatening behaviours (e.g., speeding through traffic or playing with weapons)
Threatening to harm or kill children, other family members, pets or prized possessions
Threatening to remove, hide or prevent access to children, or threatening to report the woman to the Children’s Aid Society
Threatening to put the woman in an institution
Threatening to commit suicide/attempting suicide
Controlling a woman’s time, actions, dress, hairstyle, etc
Denying affection or personal care
Taking away a woman’s teletype writer (TTY), medication, hearing aids or guide dog
Belittling a woman through name calling or descriptions such as " stupid", " crazy" or "irrational"
Accusing a woman of cheating or being promiscuous
Leaving a woman without transportation or any means of communication

Stalking and Harassment includes the behaviour of harassing or threatening another person, in a devious and repetitive manner, especially in a way that haunts the person physically or emotionally. The stalking of an intimate partner can take place during the relationship, with intense monitoring of the partner’s activities, or after a partner or spouse has left the relationship. Stalkers may be trying to get their partner back, or they may wish to harm her as punishment for her departure. Regardless of the form, the victim fears for her safety.

Economic Abuse includes any act or behaviour that maintains control of the financial resources or maintains a woman’s financial dependence. It can include; withholding money for basic necessities, preventing her from working, spending or mismanaging family income, controlling her spending and threatening to make false allegations about fraud to Ontario Works, Ontario Disability Support Program or Non-profit Housing.

Immigrant Abuse – Sponsored immigrant and refugee women are especially vulnerable to abusive relationships. For immigrant women who do not speak English, their spouses may be their only link to the outside world. Spiritual Abuse is the use of a belief system to control, degrade or punish a woman. This can include;

Using religion to control a woman’s behaviour
Punishing or ridiculing a woman for her religious beliefs
Preventing a woman from practicing her religious beliefs
Putting down or attacking her spiritual beliefs

Post Separation Violence

Statistically, separation substantially elevates a woman’s risk for death or serious physical injury. Over time this risk decreases; however, many women report that for years and even decades after separation, abuse continues. Types of Post Separation Violence include;

Continued intimidation, control and isolation
Financial Abuse, e.g., restricting her access to joint assets, failing to pay support or paying support late, refusing to contribute to joint debts, driving up legal costs
Stalking – following, parking in front of or near her home or place of employment, constant phone calls and text messages
Indirect communication through friends and family
Questioning of woman and/or children about her whereabouts and actions
Assault
Threats of death or physical harm
Improper use of police and Children’s Aid
Physical or emotional harm to children
Sexual Assault/Sexual Manipulation
Verbal and Emotional Abuse
Property Violation

What is Legal Abuse?

Legal Abuse or Legal Bullying is often one of the few forms of abuse available to an abusive partner. The overreaching goal of Legal Abuse is to maintain his control over his partner, to intimidate her, to prevent her from moving on with her life and/or to wear her down to the point she agrees to his demands.

The Family Court System is very susceptible to this form of abuse. It becomes both victim and accomplice. There is always the possibility of a legitimate "material change" in circumstances and often it is assumed that people are acting in "good faith". Child Support and special expenses, for example, can vary widely throughout a child’s development. There may also be changes with regard to access or custody that legitimately require the assistance and intervention of the court system. The assumption made by the courts is that the person initiating the process is doing it for the good of the children and for no improper purpose. In cases where there has not been a history of abuse, that is likely true. In situations of violence and abuse, the court room can become an abuser’s only access to their former partner.

Legal Abuse/Bullying can take many forms;

Bringing repeated motions on issues that have already been decided and for which a material change in circumstances has not occurred
Failure to produce documents or information required in the court proceeding
Seeking repeated delays for no real reason
Repeatedly changing lawyers
Representing himself, even when he has no financial reason to do so
Making malicious and unfounded reports to the courts and other officials about the woman. This is not done to promote his legal position; the purpose is to impact the woman in an emotionally and psychologically harmful way. These include allegations of drug use, mental health issues, promiscuity and that she is an unfit parent.
Appealing decisions even when there is no possibility of success
Failure to obey court orders, especially pertaining to restraining orders and orders for costs.

A number of issues can arise when an abuser decides to represent himself;

Documents may be prepared inappropriately or incorrectly, thus slowing down the process
The abuser may try to have direct contact with his ex-partner, creating safety issues for her and the children
Pre-trial negotiations are likely to be unsuccessful as the abuser’s focus is not on resolution but on the ongoing control of his ex-partner
The judge may bend over backwards to assist the self-represented party, thus creating an uneven playing field in the court room.
The abuser may drain her financial resources by making voluminous phone calls and sending endless correspondence to her lawyer
Her lawyer may also be put in the position of mediator, having to provide him with procedural information – not only does she pay for this, but it can erode the trust been client and attorney

Abuse Checklist

Look over the following questions. Think about how your are being treated by your partner. Remember, when one person scares, hurts or continually puts down the other person, it is abuse. (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence)

Does your partner

Embarrass or make fun of you in front of your friends or family?
Put down your accomplishments or goals?
Make you feel like you are unable to make decisions?
Use intimidation or threats to gain compliance?
Tell you that you are nothing without them?
Treat you roughly – grab, push, pinch, shove or hit you?
Call you several times a night or show up to make sure you are where you said you would be?
Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing you?
Blame you for how they feel or act?
Pressure you to do thing sexually you aren't’t ready for?
Make you feel like there "is no way out" of the relationship?
Prevent you from doing things you want – like spending time with friends or family?
Try to keep you from leaving after a fight or leave you somewhere after a fight to "teach you a lesson."
Does he restrict your access to phone and internet?
Does he restrict your access to money (including the ability to work and/or keep your wages) or make you accountable for all of the money you spend?

Do you

Sometimes feel scared of how your partner will act?
Constantly make excuses to other people for your partner’s behaviour?
Believe that you can help your partner change if only you changed something about yourself?
Try not to do anything that would cause conflict or make your partner angry?
Always do what your partner wants you to do instead of what you want?
Stay with your partner because you are afraid of what your partner would do if you broke-up?

If any of these are happening in your relationship, talk to someone. Without help, the abuse will continue.

Checklist for Assessing Change in Men Who Abuse Women By Lundy Bancroft, 2007

He is able to admit fully to what he has done
He no longer makes excuses
He no longer blames her for his behaviour
He attempts to make amends
He is able to accept responsibility (recognizing that abuse is a choice)
He is able to identify patterns of controlling behaviour, admitting their wrongness
He is able to identify the attitudes that drive his abuse
He is able to accept that overcoming abusiveness will be a decades-long process, rather than declaring himself cured
He does not say, "so now it is your turn to do your work," He does not use change as a bargaining chip
He does not demand credit for improvements he has made
He does not treat improvements as chips or vouchers to be spent on occasional acts of abuse (e.g."I haven’t done anything like that in a long time, so why are you making a big deal out of it")
He develops respectful, kind, supportive behaviours
He is carrying his weight
He is able to share power
He is able to change how he responds to his partner’s (or former partner’s) anger and grievances
He makes healthy changes in his parenting patterns
He is able to change his treatment of his former partner as a parent
He is able to change his attitudes towards females in general
He is able to accept the consequences of his actions, (including, not feeling sorry for himself about those consequences, and not blaming her or the children for them.)

What Issues Arise for Woman Abuse Survivors and Their Children during the Family Court Process?

By Rita Benson, M.S.W., RSW, M.S. (MFT), RMFT

"The presence of domestic violence within a custody dispute demands a different analysis and distinct interventions by judges, policymakers, and mental health professionals." Dr. Peter Jaffe*

A variety of issues arise for victims of domestic violence in family law cases. While it is recognized that men can be the victims of domestic violence and that violence can occur in same-sex relationships, these comments focus on the more common form of male violence against intimate female partners.

It is not uncommon for an abusive man to continue or escalate abuse upon separation, including using the family court process and access visits as vehicles to control and harass his partner. Read more...